The last time I declared I was a feminist, my mother, when asked how I was doing by my former school principal, said, “Oh, there she is… a feminist.”

You know the way mothers say one thing and mean “It’s just a stage,” without having to say it? That’s how my mother said it. I’m not saying my mother doesn’t have the gumption to be a feminist. She totally does. She was a working mother. She taught me how to kick ass. She never backed down from a fight. She ran our family business, and so on and so forth, but I suppose my mother, born and raised by her post-war-raised parents, still thought that feminism drove away the men, and she wanted me to find a good man to make me happy. It’s fair to say that she had no real objection to my being a feminist, just that she didn’t want me to kick potential validating boyfriends and/or husbands in the nuts because of it.

The point of that long preamble is that I think it’s been almost twenty years since I declared I was a feminist and you can say that I’ve mellowed considerably on that point. Not because I don’t believe in women’s rights anymore, but because I’m lazy about putting my 100% on too many things, especially these days.

However, the last few months made me remember those days when I was young (as in 12 years old), passionate, and adamant about being a woman. In the last few months, Hillary Clinton threw in her bid at being the Democratic presidential nominee, and just when the steam on that died, we were introduced to Sarah Palin, Vice Presidential nominee for the Republican party.

Now, briefly, let me just say that I did believe in Hillary Clinton at some point and I wanted her to get that nomination, but you can say that her desperately dirty tactics towards the end of her campaign made me wonder if she was a crazy ass bitch. It was not what I wanted for my presidential nominee. I want my bitches to be cool and controlled, so should she strike, no one would suspect. 

Now that the dust has settled, I admit that I’m glad to see her bringing her support to my messiah Obama, grinning pleasantly and civilly and looking so sharp that she could cut a bitch, matching her in reality poisonous smile that says, “It should’ve been me.”

With Sarah Palin up for Vice President and–should John McCain win–one heart-attack away from the American presidency, let me just say that if there’s one thing I hate more than a crazy ass bitch, it’s an embarassing crazy ass bitch. That said, I feel bad for her (alright, maybe not so much, but the point is…), that she has been reduced to a tool for the Republican presidential campaign. She’s been used as an attack dog, a sex object, and a whipping boy. Everything that John McCain couldn’t get his hands dirty on, they’d made Sarah Palin do, and America can’t stop laughing.

So what did I think of the real Sarah Palin on SNL? 

Bring back Tina Fey as Sarah Palin.

Now, Joe, if you want me to be honest, I can’t understand how people keep tweeting about how funny Palin was when all she did was show up, smile at the camera and–I don’t know–tried to raise the fucking roof is on fire shit. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t do anything. She saw Tina Fey and didn’t even quip, “Nice outfit.” Where’s the SNL? It was her shot at being geniunely witty and she missed. She missed it completely. They might as well have put up a Sarah Palin cardboard cutout.

But after all that’s said and done, I’d like to thank Hillary and Sarah for making history for women everywhere.  They’ve certainly crossed boundaries, and like it or not, they’ve paved the way for women across the generations and put us one step closer to world domination, one crazy ass bitch at a time.

Thank you, Hillary and Sarah. Way to crack them nuts.